My Services

"Treat people if they were what they ought to be and help them to become what they are capable of being" - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Couples Counselling

Couples Counselling

Couples Counselling look at the dynamics?between you and your partner and highlights areas that will improve the way in which you relate to each other. Throughout the process, issues which impact negatively on a relationship are addressed. Couples Counselling gives couples a?platform to heal and move forward together.

What is the focus

  • Mutual needs
  • Individual needs
  • Expectations
  • Values
  • Life goals
  • Mutual understanding

Communication skills are high on the agenda when working with couples. A lack of communication usually stems from assumption and disagreements. If partners do not learn how to communicate with one another, often disconnection and distance will arise. This will eventually cause?conflict, unhappiness or loneliness between couples.

In many relationships, this therapy process is often the last resort in attempting to resurrect what once was.

How does Couples Counselling help us move forward?

Alda Oosthuizen assists both the couple as a unit, and each?individual. Through addressing the learning of valuable communication skills and tools, couples counselling assist in providing what is needed to?work through existing matters. These techniques are all designed to make the relationship stronger and assist each person in overcoming difficult areas together.

Patterns and dynamics in the relationship

These may cause conflict or difficulty, which are highlighted as areas in the relationship where the most effort needs to be placed. Couples counselling aims at working through these areas with you and providing tools to assist you. Alda have helped many couples in repairing the strong foundation that is vital in all relationships.

 

?Obstacle? (Symptom / Event / Behaviour / Emotions) Description & How Hypnotherapy can help you
Single. Afraid to commit and/or fear of being unapproachable Maybe you?re also never sure of you working situation and cannot decide (on different levels of life) what you really want. This fear is the core of decision making in general. Whatever decisions you make in life, trivial or serious, there are always consequences you cannot foresee. ?You want to be sure, before you make your decision, which is the right one. ?That’s understandable but actually, it’s simply impossible. Although we always want to be in control, we know that it?s not realistic. Sometimes we have to take a risk. Making good decisions is really about being able to relax with uncertainty, with not being in control of absolutely everything. Overcoming the fear of commitment (whether it is for a job or a relationship), or to make any other important decision, will free you up to really make the most of a happy life in the future. Maybe you think that you are not approachable for any reason and you don?t connect with others.Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool to overcome fear of commitment which utilises the power of your unconscious mind to help you escape from the limiting traps set by anxiety. ?You will find that the old worry just melts away as you listen and relax.? A clear psychological understanding of the processes of decision making is combined with powerful hypnotic suggestions to take you through a transformative journey to real inner freedom. In hypnosis you?ll also learn how to be more approachable and to connect with others. We all need to be aware that other people do sometimes behave in opposite ways to what they say but we also need to trust to form healthy relationships.? Hypnotherapy will get you feeling more open and relaxed with others so that you can give all your relationships the best chance and enjoy your relationships again.

 

Fear of Abandonment(?I?m dropped?) You experienced that people ?dropped? you and you interpret it as abandonment. You feel (and maybe believe) that you?re not good enough. You can get into the habit of becoming involved with people who are in some way unavailable and are likely to leave you feeling abandoned again. You might become ?over needing?, and that kind of desperate ?clinging? behaviour results usually in the other person?s reaction of experiencing the feeling of ?cluster phobic?. The most natural behaviour from the other party then, is to ?drop? you. Our believe systems are very strong. What you believe is what you get. Thus, if you believe that a person will abandon you, it might happen. This lead to over-controlling behaviour in a relationship which in turn may leave them more likely to actually be abandoned. ?It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.? If you felt abandoned when young then your unconscious mind may be on the? lookout? for any tiny sign that it might happen again even if things are, in reality, secure.Hypnotherapy will help you to realising on an emotional level that you are stronger and more able to overcome that fear, because the fear is unjustified and not applicable any longer. Through hypnosis and deep relaxation, your unconscious mind will build your self-confidence and you will feel more relaxed around relationships in general. Important is that you learn to love yourself first.
Divorce Whether you wanted it or not, divorce can seem like the end of the world.? The sudden life change, the emotional turmoil, and the sense of loss can feel akin to grieving. ?To add to the emotional burden of divorce come the practicalities. ?At a time when it’s difficult to think clearly you have to sort out financial and legal issues while remaining as calm and responsible as possible.Emotions common during divorce are anger, guilt and anxiety about coping in the future – emotionally or financially. ?There may also be bittersweet memories of how things used to be before everything ‘went wrong’. ?If children are involved then there is often guilt and anxiety. ?How will it affect them? You can feel such an intensity of hatred, anger, or resentment.? Unhealed bitterness can blight your life if you don’t put a stop to it.? It consumes you. ?It’s as if every waking moment is taken up with going over and over the injustice, the hurt, the betrayal, the loss.? You rapidly realize that it is doing you no good at all.

Although it may not feel like it right now he fact is that you will feel better and life will improve.? Hypnotherapy will help you to relax, take stock and feel better-essentially speeding up the healing process and getting you to feel much more relaxed and confident about dealing with the future.? Start feeling more in control today and help yourself cope with the emotional impact of divorce. Just letting go for a while of the day to day stress of dealing with all the aspects of divorce will bring wonderful relief to mind and body.? Hypnosis is a powerful tool for working with deep emotions and healing the inner wounds that beset us on life’s journey.? It will help you discover your own way through the difficult feelings roused by your divorce – much sooner than you would have believed possible.

 

Staying happily married We know that marriages often have tough times (?ups and downs?) in the same way that a ship may go through storms from time to time. It doesn’t mean the ship is about to sink or that the voyage is over. ?A good ship is built expecting bad weather. Surviving stressful times in marriage is crucial as it isn’t always a smooth ride. Many people give up on a marriage too soon. No matter how bleak things seem, it is possible for many marriages to get back on track, and be happier afterwards. The important thing is to stay calm and to know what to avoid and what to aim for to make relationships work.? Hypnotherapy will help you see the wood for the trees, provide you with optimism for your marriage and teach you specific ways of thinking and feeling that will help your relationship survive for the long term. If both partners are going through the process of Medical Hypno-analysis separately, both will get heeling over any personal issues in their lives, and afterwards, they do introspection on the relationship together, and as ?heeled? people, they will be able to work together through anything easily. 
Unfaithfulness Faithfulness and loyalty to your spouse are not old fashioned concepts. Research shows that it is vital to emotional en physical health. To have an affair while married is to treat your spouse as well as the other person like material objects ? just for the satisfaction of your own needs and concealment of your own shortcomings. Having an affair is usually symptomatic of deeper problems within a marriage or relationship and may signal the end. There are people who are trapped in an addictive pattern of affairs. The feeling of ?someone else is interested in me? makes that person feel wanted and happens frequently. The most of the time the faithful partner doesn?t know anything and according to him/her everything is fine. To be constantly unfaithful to someone is to treat them with no regard and respect. Maybe it is like taking part in an adventure for you. It?s exciting to live a double life. It?s not only exciting; it is exhausting and not good for your own health. It is not happiness. Through hypnosis you can learn to resist the temptations of that certain ‘types’ of people that might be attractive to you or those certain situations that arise that provide ?opportunity?. Therefore you will become a stronger person.?You will be able to end the affair. Whether you are currently being unfaithful to your partner and want to find the strength to break off with that person, or you are contemplating a first time affair or are just sick of being plagued by guilt, hypnotherapy can help. ?It will help to treat repeated unfaithfulness and tackles it as an addiction.Hypnotherapy can help your spouse also to forgive and understand you and your situation, and to trust again.

Hypnotherapy will get you and your spouse feeling more open and relaxed with each other so that you can give your relationship the best chance and enjoy your relationship again.

An Abusive Relationship and / or an insecure relationship Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Physical abuse means any form of violence such as hitting, punching, pulling hair, and kicking. Abuse can occur in both dating relationships and friendships.Emotional abuse (stuff like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn’t leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt ? not just during the time it’s happening, but long after too. Does your partner continuously degrade or belittle you? If you think that just because you aren’t being physically abused nothing is wrong, think again. Emotional abuse can have devastating consequences on both physical and mental health. While emotional or psychological abuse may be difficult to pinpoint.

Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, guy or girl. It’s never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don’t want.

The first step in getting out of an abusive relationship is to realize that you have the right to be treated with respect and not be physically, sexually or emotionally harmed by another person.

Hypnotherapy can help you to end the relationship and not be afraid.?It’s important to have an escape plan which may mean knowing where you are going to live, how you are going to finance yourself and how you will socialize.? I emphasize that if you are physically frightened of your abusive partner then make sure other people are close by when you finally split. Don’t be alone with the abuser! Hypnotherapy can help you to realise and believe truly that you are able to function in a much better way independently without your abusive partner. You will be able not to be dominated by this person, and because of that you may not feel scared of him / her to any extent. ?This may make the thought of finishing with him / her very attractive.?If you know in your heart of hearts you’ve got to get out of this abusive relationship then hypnosis is for you to get courage to leave now and make the break.

Self Esteem in Relationships Your self-esteem should be good in a happy and healthy relationship.? Maybe your self-esteem wasn’t great to begin with, or you feel it’s just a matter of time before your partner rejects you in favour of someone ‘better.’? Perhaps your low self-esteem in your relationship is even spoiling the relationship itself as you are ?looking for signs that your partner has lost interest in you or prefers someone else or is only seeing you because he / she feels sorry for you.? Sometimes it makes you defensive and feeling like you are being criticised when you are not. Maybe you are becoming over-sensitive. It could be bad and negative memories from the past (your childhood, or a previous relationship) that awaken the feelings of worthlessness within you. And if you take these ‘old feelings’ into a new relationship hey can really get in the way of a happy and satisfying relationship.?Imagine what it will be like to truly value yourself and be able to feel the reality of your partners love and respect for you because you feel that it is right and reasonable for them to feel positively towards you.?That is what hypnosis can do for you; start to feel good about yourself in your relationship. Then you and your partner will love each other for who you are. You do not have to try to be something or someone else. You are the best you! 
Excessive Jealousy Whether you are the jealous partner, or are on the receiving end, jealousy can devastate a relationship quickly.? You know what you are doing is wrong, it is often impossible to stop.? Jealousy is caused by an over-active and misused imagination. Creating scenarios in your mind of what your partner is thinking or doing is the perfect way to torture yourself.? Yet however horrible it feels, it can be almost compulsive. It feels impossible to keep the jealous thoughts from your mind. Hypnotherapy will help you get control back over the workings of your imagination so it stops feeding you images of the worst happening.? Your partner will be astounded, (and probably overjoyed!) at the new relaxed, realistic you. 
Cannot love and be loved again Even when you’ve been hurt before, to learn to love and be loved again will recapture that special feeling.? To love we have to give of ourselves and that can feel like taking a big risk.? But not loving means a life without intimacy so which is the bigger risk?? You can love again and the beauty of love is that you love people in different ways. You also love different things about them.? When you love someone you give them a special gift. ?What people choose to do with your gift is down to them. Part of a new relationship is working out how worthy your new partner is to receive your ‘special gift’. ?Of course this means relaxing and allowing the time for the relationship to progress and develop.? Hypnotherapy will help you relax about new relationships and approach them with the same freshness, optimism and excitement you used to feel. ?You may have forgotten how to feel that way, but your unconscious mind hasn’t. Hypnotherapy can help you rediscover that feeling and find happiness once more. That includes being more romantic, treating the other person with respect, having a good self-esteem, and looking after you very well. Still love yourself first. ?You must love your neighbour as you love yourself.? 
?Obstacle? (Symptom / Event / Behaviour / Emotions) Description & How Hypnotherapy can help you
Single. Afraid to commit and/or fear of being unapproachable Maybe you?re also never sure of you working situation and cannot decide (on different levels of life) what you really want. This fear is the core of decision making in general. Whatever decisions you make in life, trivial or serious, there are always consequences you cannot foresee. ?You want to be sure, before you make your decision, which is the right one. ?That’s understandable but actually, it’s simply impossible. Although we always want to be in control, we know that it?s not realistic. Sometimes we have to take a risk. Making good decisions is really about being able to relax with uncertainty, with not being in control of absolutely everything. Overcoming the fear of commitment (whether it is for a job or a relationship), or to make any other important decision, will free you up to really make the most of a happy life in the future. Maybe you think that you are not approachable for any reason and you don?t connect with others.Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool to overcome fear of commitment which utilises the power of your unconscious mind to help you escape from the limiting traps set by anxiety. ?You will find that the old worry just melts away as you listen and relax.? A clear psychological understanding of the processes of decision making is combined with powerful hypnotic suggestions to take you through a transformative journey to real inner freedom. In hypnosis you?ll also learn how to be more approachable and to connect with others. We all need to be aware that other people do sometimes behave in opposite ways to what they say but we also need to trust to form healthy relationships.? Hypnotherapy will get you feeling more open and relaxed with others so that you can give all your relationships the best chance and enjoy your relationships again.

 

Fear of Abandonment(?I?m dropped?) You experienced that people ?dropped? you and you interpret it as abandonment. You feel (and maybe believe) that you?re not good enough. You can get into the habit of becoming involved with people who are in some way unavailable and are likely to leave you feeling abandoned again. You might become ?over needing?, and that kind of desperate ?clinging? behaviour results usually in the other person?s reaction of experiencing the feeling of ?cluster phobic?. The most natural behaviour from the other party then, is to ?drop? you. Our believe systems are very strong. What you believe is what you get. Thus, if you believe that a person will abandon you, it might happen. This lead to over-controlling behaviour in a relationship which in turn may leave them more likely to actually be abandoned. ?It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.? If you felt abandoned when young then your unconscious mind may be on the? lookout? for any tiny sign that it might happen again even if things are, in reality, secure.Hypnotherapy will help you to realising on an emotional level that you are stronger and more able to overcome that fear, because the fear is unjustified and not applicable any longer. Through hypnosis and deep relaxation, your unconscious mind will build your self-confidence and you will feel more relaxed around relationships in general. Important is that you learn to love yourself first.
Divorce Whether you wanted it or not, divorce can seem like the end of the world.? The sudden life change, the emotional turmoil, and the sense of loss can feel akin to grieving. ?To add to the emotional burden of divorce come the practicalities. ?At a time when it’s difficult to think clearly you have to sort out financial and legal issues while remaining as calm and responsible as possible.Emotions common during divorce are anger, guilt and anxiety about coping in the future – emotionally or financially. ?There may also be bittersweet memories of how things used to be before everything ‘went wrong’. ?If children are involved then there is often guilt and anxiety. ?How will it affect them? You can feel such an intensity of hatred, anger, or resentment.? Unhealed bitterness can blight your life if you don’t put a stop to it.? It consumes you. ?It’s as if every waking moment is taken up with going over and over the injustice, the hurt, the betrayal, the loss.? You rapidly realize that it is doing you no good at all.

Although it may not feel like it right now he fact is that you will feel better and life will improve.? Hypnotherapy will help you to relax, take stock and feel better-essentially speeding up the healing process and getting you to feel much more relaxed and confident about dealing with the future.? Start feeling more in control today and help yourself cope with the emotional impact of divorce. Just letting go for a while of the day to day stress of dealing with all the aspects of divorce will bring wonderful relief to mind and body.? Hypnosis is a powerful tool for working with deep emotions and healing the inner wounds that beset us on life’s journey.? It will help you discover your own way through the difficult feelings roused by your divorce – much sooner than you would have believed possible.

 

Staying happily married We know that marriages often have tough times (?ups and downs?) in the same way that a ship may go through storms from time to time. It doesn’t mean the ship is about to sink or that the voyage is over. ?A good ship is built expecting bad weather. Surviving stressful times in marriage is crucial as it isn’t always a smooth ride. Many people give up on a marriage too soon. No matter how bleak things seem, it is possible for many marriages to get back on track, and be happier afterwards. The important thing is to stay calm and to know what to avoid and what to aim for to make relationships work.? Hypnotherapy will help you see the wood for the trees, provide you with optimism for your marriage and teach you specific ways of thinking and feeling that will help your relationship survive for the long term. If both partners are going through the process of Medical Hypno-analysis separately, both will get heeling over any personal issues in their lives, and afterwards, they do introspection on the relationship together, and as ?heeled? people, they will be able to work together through anything easily. 
Unfaithfulness Faithfulness and loyalty to your spouse are not old fashioned concepts. Research shows that it is vital to emotional en physical health. To have an affair while married is to treat your spouse as well as the other person like material objects ? just for the satisfaction of your own needs and concealment of your own shortcomings. Having an affair is usually symptomatic of deeper problems within a marriage or relationship and may signal the end. There are people who are trapped in an addictive pattern of affairs. The feeling of ?someone else is interested in me? makes that person feel wanted and happens frequently. The most of the time the faithful partner doesn?t know anything and according to him/her everything is fine. To be constantly unfaithful to someone is to treat them with no regard and respect. Maybe it is like taking part in an adventure for you. It?s exciting to live a double life. It?s not only exciting; it is exhausting and not good for your own health. It is not happiness. Through hypnosis you can learn to resist the temptations of that certain ‘types’ of people that might be attractive to you or those certain situations that arise that provide ?opportunity?. Therefore you will become a stronger person.?You will be able to end the affair. Whether you are currently being unfaithful to your partner and want to find the strength to break off with that person, or you are contemplating a first time affair or are just sick of being plagued by guilt, hypnotherapy can help. ?It will help to treat repeated unfaithfulness and tackles it as an addiction.Hypnotherapy can help your spouse also to forgive and understand you and your situation, and to trust again.

Hypnotherapy will get you and your spouse feeling more open and relaxed with each other so that you can give your relationship the best chance and enjoy your relationship again.

An Abusive Relationship and / or an insecure relationship Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Physical abuse means any form of violence such as hitting, punching, pulling hair, and kicking. Abuse can occur in both dating relationships and friendships.Emotional abuse (stuff like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn’t leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt ? not just during the time it’s happening, but long after too. Does your partner continuously degrade or belittle you? If you think that just because you aren’t being physically abused nothing is wrong, think again. Emotional abuse can have devastating consequences on both physical and mental health. While emotional or psychological abuse may be difficult to pinpoint.

Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, guy or girl. It’s never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don’t want.

The first step in getting out of an abusive relationship is to realize that you have the right to be treated with respect and not be physically, sexually or emotionally harmed by another person.

Hypnotherapy can help you to end the relationship and not be afraid.?It’s important to have an escape plan which may mean knowing where you are going to live, how you are going to finance yourself and how you will socialize.? I emphasize that if you are physically frightened of your abusive partner then make sure other people are close by when you finally split. Don’t be alone with the abuser! Hypnotherapy can help you to realise and believe truly that you are able to function in a much better way independently without your abusive partner. You will be able not to be dominated by this person, and because of that you may not feel scared of him / her to any extent. ?This may make the thought of finishing with him / her very attractive.?If you know in your heart of hearts you’ve got to get out of this abusive relationship then hypnosis is for you to get courage to leave now and make the break.

Self Esteem in Relationships Your self-esteem should be good in a happy and healthy relationship.? Maybe your self-esteem wasn’t great to begin with, or you feel it’s just a matter of time before your partner rejects you in favour of someone ‘better.’? Perhaps your low self-esteem in your relationship is even spoiling the relationship itself as you are ?looking for signs that your partner has lost interest in you or prefers someone else or is only seeing you because he / she feels sorry for you.? Sometimes it makes you defensive and feeling like you are being criticised when you are not. Maybe you are becoming over-sensitive. It could be bad and negative memories from the past (your childhood, or a previous relationship) that awaken the feelings of worthlessness within you. And if you take these ‘old feelings’ into a new relationship hey can really get in the way of a happy and satisfying relationship.?Imagine what it will be like to truly value yourself and be able to feel the reality of your partners love and respect for you because you feel that it is right and reasonable for them to feel positively towards you.?That is what hypnosis can do for you; start to feel good about yourself in your relationship. Then you and your partner will love each other for who you are. You do not have to try to be something or someone else. You are the best you! 
Excessive Jealousy Whether you are the jealous partner, or are on the receiving end, jealousy can devastate a relationship quickly.? You know what you are doing is wrong, it is often impossible to stop.? Jealousy is caused by an over-active and misused imagination. Creating scenarios in your mind of what your partner is thinking or doing is the perfect way to torture yourself.? Yet however horrible it feels, it can be almost compulsive. It feels impossible to keep the jealous thoughts from your mind. Hypnotherapy will help you get control back over the workings of your imagination so it stops feeding you images of the worst happening.? Your partner will be astounded, (and probably overjoyed!) at the new relaxed, realistic you. 
Cannot love and be loved again Even when you’ve been hurt before, to learn to love and be loved again will recapture that special feeling.? To love we have to give of ourselves and that can feel like taking a big risk.? But not loving means a life without intimacy so which is the bigger risk?? You can love again and the beauty of love is that you love people in different ways. You also love different things about them.? When you love someone you give them a special gift. ?What people choose to do with your gift is down to them. Part of a new relationship is working out how worthy your new partner is to receive your ‘special gift’. ?Of course this means relaxing and allowing the time for the relationship to progress and develop.? Hypnotherapy will help you relax about new relationships and approach them with the same freshness, optimism and excitement you used to feel. ?You may have forgotten how to feel that way, but your unconscious mind hasn’t. Hypnotherapy can help you rediscover that feeling and find happiness once more. That includes being more romantic, treating the other person with respect, having a good self-esteem, and looking after you very well. Still love yourself first. ?You must love your neighbour as you love yourself.? 

 

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